


pizza delivery is the science of seduction.

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: I really don't know what this is, M/M, this is such crack almost jfc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-03-07 01:52:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3156530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>That's why Levi didn't appreciate the knock on his door that practically reverberated throughout his entire apartment, when he knew that he hadn't ordered a goddamn pizza.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Alternatively: I'm a dumbass what is this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	pizza delivery is the science of seduction.

**Author's Note:**

> If you take this seriously I'll chew off Eren's other arm.

He's not grumpy, or anything like that in the slightest. At least, that's what he'd have you believe. He just likes everything a certain way—no nonsense. Like a man and his eyeliner, or a woman and her—well, whatever it is women do to maintain themselves and their otherworldly beauty. He'd given up on girls in the 7th grade during Sex Ed. No fucking nonsense. 

That's why Levi didn't appreciate the knock on his door that practically reverberated throughout his entire apartment, when he knew that he hadn't ordered a goddamn pizza, despite the cheery shout of: 'Petra's Pizza Parlor Delivery,' that managed to weasel its way into his ears. 

"I'm fucking coming you-" Levi flung the door to his apartment open, expecting anything but what he got. And shit, if this was the local brand of pizza delivery driver, Levi would take ten to go with a side of please and thank you _sir._

Also, maybe cheesy bread. (Levi liked cheesy bread despite his 'high class culinary tastebuds,' as Hanji would say.)

"Hi," the boy— no. Boy was not the correct word. More like: _'Abercrombie and Fitch model who just stepped out of a magazine, clad in tight black skinny jeans, ugly red and yellow checkered t-shirt, and a baseball cap skewed to the side, with a slice of pizza depicted on it,'_ was more like it. Not boy. Also, slap an awkward, unsure smile on his face with the disposition of an unaware sex god turned nineteen year old, you'd have the kid pegged. 

Levi cleared his throat, because Mr. A&F had stopped talking, his bright ass eyes raking over the man himself. 

Levi didn't consider himself good-looking, not really. (More like, 'conventionally unattractive, while maintaining an attractive air about me to maintain my dazzling personality.' To which Hanji would reply that he has the personality of a soggy waffle growing mold. Levi would then remind her that one of the brunette girls with the ponytail—who'd become a regular at their café—would probably eat that soggy ass waffle off the floor if he made it, because clearly he was the best. Hanji said she wanted to test it. Levi said he couldn't think of anything more unsanitary.) 

So yeah, Levi didn't find himself attractive. Does anyone really find themselves attractive? Again though, not the point, because Mr. Belgian Waffle with extra whipped cream was eyeing Levi up from the door frame, and Levi had already returned the favor. 

"Look, I didn't order a pizza," Levi said, placing his hands on the sides of the door frame - shifting his weight and letting his eyes linger on the boy's face. 

"Levi... Ackerman...?" The kid trails off, looking to Levi with a raised eyebrow as Adonis himself weeps at the kid's face. Those fucking cheekbones. What the fuck? Also, no nineteen year old, or anyone around that age, has a jawline like that anymore. They have donuts. We have donuts. Not jaws. Not the shark. "The pizza's already been paid for. And..." This pizza delivery boy—Levi checks his name patch stitched on the shirt—this... This Eren kid, trails off, shifting on his feet, clearly uncomfortable as Levi takes the pizzas from his hands. 

Levi winces. The boxes are really fucking hot, ugh. 

"And you're pretty." 

Wait. Rewind. Had Levi just heard this kid right? Um. 

Levi splutters. His social graces are failing him. He can hear Hanji laughing in the background now. _'What social graces?'_ Yeah? Well, fuck you too Hanji. "W-what?"

"Please don't make me say it again." 

That's what Levi thought. It was one of those weird things where you input requests with your order. Hanji had probably ordered him some goddamn pizza and done this... this crap. Committed this travesty that had him comparing some beautiful kid to a stack of Belgian waffles. He's angry, but reluctant to show it to this kid. (What if he's like, I dunno, an angel or Jesus in disguise or something? That would explain how pretty he is.) 

"It's okay, kid. I get it." Levi moves to close the door, offering a weak 'goodbye' as he thinks it was a weird interaction before a foot stops his door from closing completely. 

"If it's any consolation, I'd have thought you were pretty with or without having to tell you." Then Mr. Delivery boy winks, and is on his way—Levi's door closing shut after his foot slides out. 

Levi puts the pizzas on the counter, thinking he'd never see the kid again.

He was...

Well, pretty damn wrong is the only way to say it nicely, and that's verbatim from Levi. 

_Yep!_

「」

_...89, 90, 91..._

_knock._ A pause. _KNOCK KNOCK._

Levi stood up, body drenched in sweat as he made his way to his apartment door—cringing in slight disgust at the feeling of the sweat moving down his bare abdomen. 

Hand on the door knob, he opens his apartment to see the same delivery boy from Petra's—the kid flashing him a dumb smile that Levi would never admit made his heart feel like it skipped about three beats. That's just unhealthy. 

"Levi Ackerman? One small cheese pizza for you. Already been paid for." 

Levi sighed, taking the pizza from the kid—the same as last time. "I didn't order a pizza."

The delivery boy— _Eren,_ Levi had to remind himself—winked at him as he trailed his vision along Levi's (toned as fuck) figure, before meeting the man's eyes once more. "Well! Somebody must like you, Mr. Ackerman slash Levi. You lucky devil."

And with that, the kid was gone, leaving Levi with some weird twisting in his gut. The kind that made him want to barf. Butterflies? Too elementary. 

(More like that feeling after you eat way too many sugar cookies. Eren was Belgian waffles with whipped cream, after all.) 

_Levi. You're twenty-five. You don't have a crush on the pizza delivery guy._

_Kid like that probably has girls all over him anyways—boys if he wanted them._

_Whatever._

「」

And that's how it went.

For weeks. 

Occasionally, Eren would stop at the door and start up a conversation with Levi—telling him that he seemed exceptionally sweaty today. Levi would raise an eyebrow, because Eren did always seem to come with the same small cheese pizza during his workouts every few days.

Eren would see the expression and make a crude remark about: _'Who's the lucky lady that caused that, eh?'_ Bright green eyes would travel down his body, taking in the available chest, stomach, and leg. 

Levi would laugh and go along with it, _'Wouldn't you like to know, Eren?'_

 

「」

Levi's hand made contact with the knob - cutting the hot water off as he stepped out of the shower. 

White towel wrapped around his waist, he didn't bother to dry himself off before stepping into the cooler (in comparison) air of his apartment—slight goosebumps rising on the man's pale skin as he began the walk to his bedroom to get some clothing and —

_Knock Knock._

That'd be Eren. Of course.

Not necessarily thinking about it (he was totally thinking about it), Levi diverged from his intended path of travel—taking the GPS straight to the door. (Levi never said he was good at metaphors. Or whatever that was.) 

Hand on the doorknob he opened and—

"Hi Levi I-" Eren cut himself off. "Holy shit." _Breathy._ Fuck. 

"What do you need, Eren? No pizza?" Levi raised an eyebrow, hands on his hips where the towel barely reached. 

He was enjoying this. Eren knew it. Fucking hot guys, he swore to god. 

"Well," Eren scratched the back of his neck, brown hair tangling with his fingers as the boy's teeth sank into his lower lip, trying to figure out how to word his next statement. "I ran out of pizza money."

And suddenly it clicked for Levi. Like in those movies where the key suddenly fits in the keyhole. (Yeah. Similes weren't his thing either.) 

"So you mean all this time I spent flirting with you on my doorstep was essentially a waste." 

"You—you what?"

"God, Eren. You spent money on pizza just as an excuse to keep coming back to my apartment door?"

Eren laughed nervously. (Yeah, he was nervous. This short lil munchkin sex god guy was eyeballing him like it was his job.) "Y-yeah?"

"You idiot."

"It worked, right?"

"Yes, Eren. It fucking worked. You're such a moron." 

"A moron you flirted with! And let seduce you with cheese pizza!"

"Shut the fuck up."

「」

_"And that, is how I met Eren."_

_"Aw Levi, so my pizza stunt brought you your boyfriend of what? Three years now?"_

_"I knew it was you, Shitty Glasses."_

_"Yeah, well. Never say I didn't do anything good for you."_

_"I hate you."_

_"I know."_

**Author's Note:**

> I hope I made you laugh. Or hate me. Either is cool.


End file.
